Dear friends,
I am here today with great joy and an open heart for all of you. I was the mother of Jeshua, Mary. I represent the feminine aspect of the Christ energy, which is being born so strongly upon your planet Earth in these times. Feminine energy has long been suppressed throughout your history; it has been pushed aside in society, but also within your hearts.
Feminine energy is a primordial force, a primal element of creation, of all that is
It gives life and flows through every being. Without it, you would not live, you would not exist. Not only as human beings, but also as souls, you cannot exist without it. The feminine flow of energy is filled with magic and wishes to bring Light into these dark times. In a broader sense, feminine energy wishes to illuminate the inner struggles you are going through.
At times, you may feel despair and wonder what the purpose is of this life here on Earth
There is a purpose to it. You are doing something important here. Your presence influences other lives; you bring change into the world. But that does not have to be the focus of your life. You do not need to focus on others in order to truly be there for them. You only need — and this is the great secret — to focus on yourself and cleanse yourself. To fill yourself with a loving consciousness through which the Light can easily flow, and therefore naturally reaches others as well. You only need to truly care for yourself in order to fulfill your task or mission here on Earth.
In this context, I would like to speak today about the theme: becoming a mother to yourself
Within your Christian tradition, I strongly represent the mother energy, the energy of the mother. But what is that, really? Motherhood is a crucial aspect of feminine energy; the mother as a life-giving, nurturing, caring force. But is this image complete? In the images created of me throughout the many centuries after my death, much has become distorted; much has been added, and much of who I truly was has been lost.
Today, I would like to tell you something about my life on Earth, when I was the mother of Jeshua
About how I felt and experienced it. I am often portrayed as a saint, but during my earthly life I certainly was not. I was a very ordinary human being of flesh and blood. I experienced many things, and I certainly knew the emotional struggles that all of you experience in your lives.
When I was a young girl in that lifetime, I was the youngest child in the family. I had older brothers and sisters, and I was the seventh child, born last. I was quite a stubborn child. From a very young age, I learned that I had to manage on my own in the world, because although my parents were there for me, I was not truly the center of their attention. Yet I also loved being in my own world, wandering off on my own, and for a girl I had quite a robust energy. There was something adventurous and independent within me. I could feel things very strongly from within, and once I inwardly knew or felt something, that was simply how it was for me; I was not easily influenced by others.
I had older brothers who sometimes teased me or treated me harshly, and because of this I learned early on that I needed to develop pride and self-worth in my life. To be who I was. I was somewhat “different.” I saw things and sensed energies. Not so much that I saw apparitions or spirits, but I could see through people a little. Often, when people spoke about ordinary things during gatherings or celebrations, I could sense that underneath the surface they were hiding something. I could feel turbulent emotions living inside people while outwardly everything seemed calm and controlled. As a child, this confused me. I sensed that something was not right, and I wondered why people behaved that way, but no one explained it to me. At times I felt lonely and misunderstood as a child. I loved nature deeply, and also the animals around us. There were many animals outside our home.
One of the first truly painful things that happened to me in that life was the death of my mother
I was still quite young, in my teenage years, and my mother was much older because I was born late in the family. This was my first confrontation with loss. It was a deep and heavy experience of grief in my life, and I felt utterly devastated. As I sat beside her deathbed, it felt as if I were losing a part of myself, something that seemed to disappear forever. And I could not grasp it, I could not hold onto it. I had to learn to let go, and later I realized that this would become the theme of my entire life: letting go.
I will now take a great step forward in time, to the period when my child Jeshua was born into the world
Like every mother, I cherished my child and wanted to protect him from pain, suffering, and illness. In the beginning, I did not fully realize that there was something extraordinary about him. Yet throughout my entire life, I had always felt that there is an invisible hand guiding and supporting our lives. I knew that something greater was at work within our lives, something that our small will, our ego, and our human desires cannot control. I also knew that this greater force was a benevolent and wise force. It carries within it a wisdom that our human minds often cannot comprehend. Frequently, only afterward do we realize that life brings us exactly what we need. In the moment itself, events may feel heavy and can even appear unjust and cruel.
This is how I experienced the raising of my child Jeshua as well
It soon became clear that he was an extraordinary boy, with remarkable gifts and talents and with a very strong will of his own, much like I had possessed as a young girl. I recognized that uniqueness within him, but at the same time I found it very difficult. Because as a mother, you want to shield and protect your child from all the harshness of the world. Yet my son turned out to be someone deeply driven, someone who came into this world with a mission — a transpersonal mission — to change things on Earth. It took me much time, many tears, and much inner struggle to accept this. For he was viewed with suspicion by the established order, and he increasingly placed himself at risk. He crossed certain boundaries and rules, and because of this he was pressured and threatened. Step by step, I had to let go of my fears and also my desire to control, in order to truly allow the Light he came to bring into this world to unfold freely.
In your terms, you could say that I ultimately had to let go of my motherhood itself
Everything within me that leaned toward overprotection, fear, and holding on had to be released. Until finally it deeply dawned on me that he was not my child. Yes, he had been born through my womb, through my body, but he did not belong to me. He was a mature soul who wished to shape his own life upon Earth. And moreover, he was supported by heavenly forces that were preparing a special path for him.
But is this not true for all of us? Every child born upon Earth has a unique path to walk — his path, her path — specifically meant for that soul. And as a mother, you must learn to understand and respect this. From the very beginning, you must learn to let your child go, to allow them to be who they are, and to trust in their own strength to face life.
In the end, it was Jeshua’s own choice to die upon the cross
I had to come to terms with the fact that this was his choice, that it belonged to the intention of his soul, and that somehow it was right. I wept bitter tears, and during that period of farewell my heart was filled with darkness. Do not think that I transcended everything with the eyes of a saint and observed it peacefully from above. It was torment for me to witness. It was my “dark night of the soul.” At the same time, this experience eventually brought me immense insight and self-realization, although I only recognized this afterward. Jeshua’s presence in my life lifted me upward, and the bravest choice I ever made was allowing myself to be lifted by him. Through the Christ energy he embodied, I was challenged to witness him dying at the hands of violent men while still continuing to trust that higher force, that greater wisdom which guides us all.
This brought about a profound inner transformation within me
Only then did I truly understand that the inner peace and freedom all of you long for can never be found in trying to hold on to or control life. And motherhood, within your culture, has become deeply associated with holding on and controlling. People say that a good mother would walk through fire for her children, would do anything for them, and would never stop fighting on their behalf. Although unconditional love can sometimes take this form, for me it was precisely my “fighting motherhood” that I had to surrender.
My greatest accomplishment in that lifetime was that I let Jeshua go and allowed him to be who he truly was
Only then could I fully experience the overwhelming beauty of who he was and what he represented. Only then could I truly be there for him — as an equal, as a soul companion, and yes, as a mother, but in the spiritual sense of the word. That was my greatest challenge: to learn how to become a spiritual mother and to release the emotional attachments of the earthly mother.
When I myself died in that lifetime and crossed over to the other side, I was, on the one hand, tired and exhausted. I had experienced so much, I had gone through so many emotional highs and lows, that I was weary. But on the other hand, I felt that a great treasure had been born within me through that life. A great Light had touched me, and through it my higher Self was, in a sense, born upon Earth. I had let go. I had ultimately accepted that things were as they were. I had surrendered earthly motherhood — in the sense of the controlling, possessive aspect — and had become a mother in the spiritual sense.
All of you are invited to become a spiritual mother to yourselves
All of you carry parts within that you deeply struggle with. Emotional blockages or negative beliefs about yourselves. Try looking at them through the eyes of a mother — not a mother who wants to fix everything, but a mother who truly sees you, who sees your uniqueness. Who does not want to change you, but honors you for who you are. Feel that mother energy. You may see it as something radiating from me, but it is not mine; I do not possess it. It is more a level of being, an inner vibration I was able to rise into, but it is universal and has been given to all of you. It is your inheritance. You carry the energy of the spiritual mother within you, and you can pour that energy over yourself.
For example, begin by simply allowing the problems you experience to exist and to affect you as they are. Not by trying to solve them immediately, but by lovingly looking at them first.
Remember how a mother looks at her newborn child
On the one hand, there is the intimacy of physical closeness, and on the other hand, there is the distance of gazing in wonder and awe at this independent, complete little being. How miraculous it is that this soul has come to you and will unfold in its own unique way. Dare to look at yourself like that. Take a step back for a moment and see yourself sitting here now, and how throughout your life you have done your best to make something meaningful of it, to create harmony for yourself and for others. Pause and reflect on that. Even when you made mistakes, as you call them, you were in fact seeking what was good for yourself and for others. Allow yourself those mistakes. You did not come here to be perfect. That would become terribly boring. We are here to live, to experience, and to feel wonder about what we experience, even when it is painful or negative.
As human beings, you feel most deeply unhappy when you stop moving, experiencing, and embracing new things
This happens when you are trapped within a problem. Once you feel there is nowhere to go and no choice left except to endure the situation helplessly, you arrive at a dead end. There is no breath, no space, no wonder left in your life. Everything seems flat and fixed, and you cannot move forward. You are stuck; there is no freedom.
Then try stepping back from the problem or situation. Try creating some space around it, for example by imagining that you are breathing around it. You may give the problem a place in your body by noticing where your body feels tense or painful. Let your breath flow around that tension or pain. Feel the soft whispering breeze of your breath, and feel within it the original sparkle of your soul. Feel pure attention and wonder. You are only here temporarily; it is not all as serious as it seems. It is a game, a great game, and in the blink of an eye you will be back on the other side, remembering once again. You do not need to carry it all so heavily. This is only one moment in time. Breathe space into yourself again. Make yourself larger, larger than the problem. Feel movement arising within the space you create through your breath.
If you truly do not know what to do with a problem, then try doing something completely different — anything except thinking about it
Go outside, place your attention on something else, simply to bring the energy back into motion, to allow breath, space, Light, and wonder to flow through you again. That brings answers and new perspectives. Answers never arise from force or from the mind. When you say, “I must figure this out now, I want to know now,” you place pressure upon yourself and trap yourself.
The answer always lies in an expansion, never in a narrowing of your consciousness
It does not arise from focused or concentrated thinking, but from releasing that thinking — through expansion, freedom, and movement. And if inwardly you feel no space for this, then move literally: go walking, swimming, or running, it does not matter. Physical movement can help calm the energy in your mind.
By connecting with the spiritual mother within yourself (or within the Christ energy), you can once again give yourself space. You step back for a moment, you release self-judgment, and this creates new space to simply Be. Even the negative things are allowed to exist; they have a reason and an origin, they are not there without purpose.
If you feel deeply sad or hopeless, imagine the hand of a mother resting upon you. A true mother only needs to look at you and fully see you in order to comfort you. Allow that comfort to be with you. This energy wishes to come to you, from heaven and from your own inner being. Tell yourself that you are doing wonderfully well, that you are doing the best you can. And making mistakes is allowed — it is part of the game.
Allow yourself to live: to make choices, to make mistakes, and then to make different choices again
That is life. Continually moving and discovering how wondrous this process of ongoing growth and discovery truly is. The art of living on Earth is to discover, within everything, a moment of freedom — a space in which you as a soul can choose how you experience things. Then life becomes lighter. Then answers begin to arise within you that you may never have expected, and you become open to the magic of life.
I now dwell in an atmosphere of freedom and creative joy. The burdens of earthly life have fallen away from me, and I find it wonderful to be here with you in friendship and connection. I know that all of you can also experience that freedom and joy, even here on Earth, each in your own way.
Freedom is available to all of you now, if you dare to let go and trust the hand of love that guides us
It is time to celebrate life in joy. Allow light, breath, and space into your life, so that it may once again flow in harmony with the rhythm of your divine soul.
Mary
